That might sound something like this, “Karen, I would like to talk about _, and first I want to get your perspective on this.” Or “Karen, I know it may be uncomfortable for us to talk about _, but it’s important for me to hear your perspective and for us to come to a mutual understanding.” For more great ideas on how to start these conversations, check out this article.
I would much rather have someone speak clearly right away about what we need to talk about that also includes their intentions for the conversation. The strategy of saying something nice about the person right before getting into a courageous conversation feels icky and fake to me. If you are wondering how to do this, and get out of your flight and fight go back to my previous blog post for tools and strategies. The more you are in a calm centered state the more the conversation has potential of coming to a helpful resolution. You know what its like to walk into a room and someone is tight and anxious…you immediately feel the same. How you are is even more important than what you say. Start in and continue to return to a centered and grounded place.Now that you’re prepared to have the conversation, it’s time to actually do it. Or if you are more of a competitor, you want to make sure you are not intimidating or pushing someone into compliance, but having a more collaborative conversation. If, for example, you are naturally an accommodator, you will want to make sure you are clear on what you actually are talking about and practice holding presence and continuing in conversation when it gets difficult. Know your own conflict handling style: Knowing your style and potentially the style of your colleague can help you understand what challenges you may have and better prepare.Practicing the conversation with them is also very helpful. Find someone who does not fan the flames of emotion, but helps you see different perspectives or point out where your ego or fears are getting in the way. Are you able to consider different points of view, have empathy, and give the person the benefit of the doubt, or are you there to prove them wrong? It can be helpful to process any intense feelings you are having with a trusted colleague or friend. For example, instead of thinking of it as “getting this colleague to stop being territorial,” your goal could be “to create a more trusting and collaborative workplace.”
Are you just trying to be right, or are you honestly trying to find a shared solution? Have you already decided what the outcome has to be or are you open to this being a dialogue? It helps to think of the bigger outcome. Have you just heard one complaint and were personally triggered? Or have you checked in with a number of people you trust, asked open-ended questions, and learned more about what occurred? And then remember you don’t know everything and keep an open mind. Preparing for a Courageous Conversation Checklist To help you get started, here’s a checklist for what you need to do to prepare for a courageous conversation. When you create a culture of honesty and trust that deals with issues head on, you’ll better retain your staff and have greater satisfaction in your work. This is why it’s so important for you to lean in and learn how to have courageous conversations, regardless of whether you’re in a leadership role or not. workers say their manager fails to frequently engage in honest conversations about work topics.” Why on earth would we think there won’t be any conflict! And sadly, a 2019 SHRM culture report says, “Nearly 4 in 10 employees U.S. Our organizations are made up of people with different personalities, expectations, cultural experiences, and communication styles working together 8 hours a day, 40 hours a week. I don’t know how we think we can avoid it.
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